Finally, the weekend is here! I don't know about you but I just have a great feeling about this upcoming summer. I have some really cool summer posts planned for Revel+Motion and am working on more guest writers/video content so you guys don't have to constantly read my writing. Today's post was voted on by my IG followers and I'm super pumped to do a follow up to my favorite piece I've ever written. Because some of you are lazy I put the original post below for you to catch up on more types of guys you will encounter in any city. The more I date I become increasingly aware of all the different types of guys out there. We've already discussed the former frat bro, the athlete, the lothario, the tortured soul (THE WORST), and the too nice guy. I have four more types and I hope you'll enjoy my dissection of each of them:
The Waste:
Starting off hot here guys, really hot. I know every single woman reading this has encountered this type of guy: the waste. You will meet this guy anywhere but you will be most vulnerable to him if you meet him at a bar. This guy is obnoxiously good-looking, like superstar, actor handsome. You will wonder, how on earth is this guy single? If you meet him at a bar or club there's a chance you're going to not see the red flag that comes with the waste. Flash forward to the next morning and you guys start talking. You'll soon be anxiously looking for a fork to stab yourself in the eye to spare you from his dry as the Sahara Desert personality.
Because that's just the way the world is, isn't it? An absolutely ten guy has a solid two personality while the less fortunate looking guy has a rockstar personality and you wouldn't date him even if he was the last guy on earth (because girls.. we're the worst). The waste is meant for his female equivalent so they can just stare at each other's beauty all day and never have a conversation with full sentences.
Think of the greek myth (welcome to history class) Narcissus who falls in love with his own reflection. The waste is Narcissus-adjacent and will always love himself and his looks more than anyone else. If you're just looking for a hot guy to mess around with then waste away w/ the waste! When I was younger I was totally victim to this type of guy... and holy shit it was so boring. I have grown though and while looks are important, personality is a way bigger "must-have" for me. Some guys just need some grooming tips or an upgraded style and suddenly they're way more attractive. You can't groom up a personality though so don't waste your time with this type of guy.
The Mr. Hyde:
You definitely were forced to read this book in either high school or college. Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde is the story of a doctor (Jekyll) who turns into a horrible version of himself (Hyde) whenever he drinks a serum he concocted (lol, who knew R+M would be such an educational site). I am willing to bet good money you all have met a guy like this.
He’s super cool and fun when he’s sober but when he drinks that serum (aka too many shots) he turns into a completely different person. He’s either always looking for a fight or just brings the mood down by causing some sort of drama. There really isn’t a cure for poor Mr. Hyde. You can attempt to tell him how it is and let him know his drunken behavior is immature and a total buzzkill. Most likely, even if he's sober, he won't want someone holding a mirror up to him because Mr. Hyde is a hideous sight to see in yourself.
Mr. Hyde and the former frat star are pretty similar in the sense that they haven't grown up and realized how to party w/o being a total shit-show. Unless you are really interested in babysitting for free I would suggest not dating or getting serious with a Mr. Hyde. Who wants their nights out continuously ruined by a guy who can't handle his liquor? You spent way too much money on your makeup routine to allow that, honestly.
The Smotherer:
Name something more annoying than this type of guy, I'll wait. The smotherer definitely isn't only restricted to the male gender... females can totally be defined as this type of person too. However, in a guy it's pretty unbearable. The smotherer will constantly hit you up on different communication platforms. If you don't answer your texts (and you keep your read receipts off like a smart girl should) they will send you a snap or respond to your IG story to see if you have your phone.
If they send you a message complimenting how you look or comment on something you're doing (whether that's on snap or IG) and you don't answer they will get extremely offended and write something to the effect of "oh.. well screw me right, lol." I'm sorry... but where is written in stone that if you give me a compliment off I have to respond to you? I didn't send you something individually so chill tf out. You are on par with the men who harass girls on the street and expect us to acknowledge them.
If you start going on dates with this guy he will be very over-involved and clingy. Again, girls definitely fall into this "type" as well but the male version is the WORST. You will feel like your free time is being held for ransom by a guy you're just casually seeing. IMAGINE if you started dating this guy. Smotherer's are meant for clingy girls and if you are a pretty hands-off, you do your thing type of dater then stay aware from this type of guy.
The Man Child:
It appears like this type of guy should have his life together. He has the puzzle laid out for him, but his firm grip on not growing up won't let the pieces come together. This guy is especially frustrating to be around because he also suffers from a mild case of Peter Pan Syndrome (people who don't want to grow up). The Man Child tends to be older and has a career yet lives with multiple roommates and still goes home and gets his laundry done by his mom on a weekly basis.
He probably shops at Abercrombie & Fitch/Hollister and most likely owns an Ed Hardy shirt that he whips out for a wild Saturday night. This type of guy is very ill-suited for anyone who is looking for something serious. The man child refuses to grow up because he can't contemplate having to deal with adult shit. The furthest plans this type of guy has is going to buy a 40 pack of trojan condoms for his upcoming weekend in Atlantic City.
I suggest not wasting your time with a man child. It could be a fun fling if you're looking for the least serious relationship of your life... come on you've wasted enough time on former frat bros to entertain a man child.
This past week I went on a date with two types of guys from my first types of guys post. I might write about that next! I also recorded a podcast all about dating with my girl Rach who is a Philadelphia radio personality. Look out for that next!! Thanks for reading and read below for my original post if you missed it:
The Former Frat Star:
We’re going to start off strong here. I guarantee you can picture at least one dude when you read about our first type of guy. Remember in college when you’d be like, “OMG Sigma Chi is having a wild 80’s party tonight. Text Jake to make sure we’re on the list.”? Yeah in college frat stars pretty much ruled campus and you always wanted to be friends with the cool frat so you could skip the line into their parties and get access to the room with the good vodka.
You can find these guys at the current city hot-spot yelling weird phrases that are inside jokes from their glory years. In my experience, not much has changed for these former frat stars once they graduated college and stepped into the real world. You’ll find them tailgating most sport games in your city. They most likely have an insane to-do list for said tailgating event. Whether it’s getting a crazy amount of food, kegs, or weird special item (see sex doll with other team’s jersey on it), these guys still put A LOT of thought into their drinking events.
These guys still have their million guy friends, who probably still all live together, and live and die by the popular phrase “Saturdays are for the boys.” That phrase is fine and honestly us girls love that because we get a break from your annoying ass. However, these guys take it to the extreme. They will go out of their way to make it very clear that they’re not fucking around when it comes to their bro time. I know a guy, hilariously named Chad, who told me he blocks his girlfriend’s number on Saturdays so he can hang out with his guy friends. Shockingly he was the former president of FIJI. Un-shockingly, his hot girlfriend dumped his ass.
My advice in dealing with these guys is pretty straightforward: don’t. They are still in that constant loop of drinking-drugs-girls-guys trips up until their late, late 20’s. They don’t want to let go of their fun college years, which is understandable, so they hold on with a death-grip to the “work hard, play hard” mantra until work and responsibility force them to release. If you find one of these guys you see a lot of potential in then… god bless you, you must have a lot of patience because hunnnniiii you’re going to be waiting for a bit.
Once these guys finally grow out of this insufferable phrase (which admittedly can be fun when you’re looking for a good time) you can count on them to have a fun group of guy friends to match your group of girls.
The Athlete:
Oh, oh, oh where to begin. My weakness, my future husband and baby-daddy (half-joking), and my favorite type of guy… the athlete (and I am talking about professional here, not your starting quarterback from your high school) is both guaranteed to be fun and a headache 100% of the time. Full disclosure: I’ve only ever dated athletes so I may be a bit biased in this writing.
No matter what city you’re in you will run into them. For the most part (and I am VERY aware there are exceptions to all my generalizations so, like, chill) you can expect the athlete will have great style, be with a small group of their good teammates/friends (these guys RARELY go anywhere by themselves), and at a table with bottle service when you run into him. They will most likely know the owner of the bar/club because once an athlete finds a place that he likes he and his crew are regulars.
Now I have friends who play professional sports and fit into the above mold and some who do not. The majority do though. No matter how attractive or unattractive the athlete is there will always be girls around. People are attracted to status and money and there are some girls, lovingly called cleat chasers, who exclusively go after athletes to sleep with them and, hopefully one day, date them.
If you ever find yourself around an athlete I suggest to play it cool. They don’t like fan girls who are secretly trying to snapchat them or put their business on blast. They’re going out to have a good time just like everyone else. Try to connect with them about something other than their sport and if you find yourself exchanging numbers, even maybe going out on a couple of dates, I highly suggest not catching feelings. Trusssssttttt meeeeeee if he’s really into you, in a monogamous way, you will know. If he’s just keeping things casual then keep those feelings casual. 9.5 times out of 10 it’s going to be casual, so accept it or forget it.
Another thing about athletes… a lot of them have girlfriends. You won’t know that until you do some light IG stalking after you hook up w/ him. If you find yourself in this situation just know you’re always going to be the side chick, I don’t recommend this.
To recap the athlete, hot, talented, and fun, but not necessarily someone you should pursue if you’re looking for a bf. Don’t be that fangirl or one to catch feelings right away because to themselves there’s a million girls out there… and you’re just one of them.
(I think in the future I might break down what it’s like to date an athlete because I think a lot of girls think it’s so glamorous but mannnnnn it’s a lot more than just free tickets and the glitz)
The Tortured Soul:
Ah, the tortured soul. The “fixer upper”. The handsome guy you just can’t seem to figure out. Find him at a dive bar or brewery with only one or two of his friends or even alone. He will be very good-looking and you’ll think to yourself: how is this guy single??? He’ll listen to you when you talk, sincerely compliment you, and then will release the gates of emotions when you ask him a simple question.
“Where are you from?” you ask with a smile. BOOM. Next thing you know he is telling you about his bitch of an ex who cheated on him with his best friend and then took the dog. He will entice you because he is like a class project and you see the potential. He probably enjoys doing more hipster-like activities. He isn’t the guy to invite to your friend’s party bus for her birthday or to bring around your guy friends. He’s more into going to watch the new movie in theaters with bad reviews because he wants to form his own opinion and hates conforming to society’s standard, vom. He wants to do more avant-garde type shit like a whiskey tasting, check out a new art exhibit, or go see a band you’ve never heard of in a sketchy part of the city.
A plus is he most likely doesn’t have social media and if he does he rarelyyyy uses it, love that. If you’re into a guy with a lot of feelings and someone you need to really shape into a guy you want to date then look no further than the tortured soul. Hope you’re a good listener though because he loves to talk about his issues, good luck I bet he’ll cry.
The Lothario:
There’s at least one at every bar, club, or restaurant you go to no matter what city you’re in. If you aren’t familiar with the term… Merrian-Webster defines lothario as “a man whose chief interest is seducing women.” Can you picture a guy you know in your head? I’m sure you can. This guy’s MAIN goal is to get laid. Think of Pauly D, Vinny, and The Situation from Jersey Shore trying to get it in with anything that has a pulse.
The dangerous thing about most lotharios are they’re so damn charming. They make you feel special and like you’re the only girl in the room. Newsflash, they already have a backup, backup backup, and last resort in their head if you don’t work out.
These guys have mad skills when it comes to seduction and can be found ANYWHERE so beware. They have their lines and love to say “I’m not like other guys.” They’re right, they are much worse. The lothario will attempt to convince you it’s going to be more than a one night stand. They’ll talk about taking you to dinner tomorrow night while taking off your clothes. Spoiler, this is so a one-time thing.
If you’re unfortunate enough to date a lothario well honestly… I feel bad for you. They aren’t going to change… but honestly who can blame them? They’re used to getting every girl they want and why give it up? These guys will eventually evolve into life-long bachelors and exclusively date 20-somethings when they’re well into their 50s.
Do yourself a favor and, like with athletes, understand you can’t catch feelings with these guys. They aren’t going to change and you’re just going to waste a ton of time being upset over a guy who probably has you saved in his phone as “Sarah Blonde Tits”.
The Too Nice Guy:
Finally we have saved the best (and most tragic) for last. The “he is so nice and I really like him but I’m just not attracted to him that way” guy. Ugh, I really feel for this guy. This type of guy lives in the friend- zone so hard he doesn’t rent his place he owns it. This guy has a ton of pretty friends that are girls and guaranteed he has never hooked up with any of them, and I’m sure that’s not his choice.
You can meet this guy anywhere. He’s super funny and sweet and you like everything about him except that you can’t see yourself getting naked with him. This is the type of guy you invite everywhere you and your girlfriends go because you can count on him to give you attention but not be creepy about it. Don’t get this twisted, he isn’t gay he is VERY straight. He probably is in denial about why girls don’t like him like “that.”
I’m going to break it down for you why girls don’t. Girls (again chill, most girls) like a guy with a bit of edge to them. We want a nice guy but we really need someone who won’t let us walk all over them. If we’re being unreasonable, pms-y, or overall mean call us out. This type of guy never will. That is why he’s destined to end up with the “she is like my best girlfriend but I don’t like her like that” girl. Every guy has that girl friend.
I’m sure most of you have this type of guy friend or will run into this guy no matter what city you’re in. I suggest being up front and honest because I can’t stand when I see people leading others on. It’s the worst and feelings always end up being hurt. If it’s strictly a friend vibe then tell him, guarantee he will still want to be your friend because he’s just that NICE.
If you give the too nice guy a chance romantically then wow, charity work is a favorite activity of yours, I’m impressed. I hope you keep him around until after the holidays so you can enjoy his extremely thoughtful, expensive gift and then let him down easy.