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R&M Guide: Dating in LA

Hi there,


We are Katherine and Sarah, or as some people call us, The Swallow Twins. No, you will not find us on Pornhub or OnlyFans (at least we hope not) – our last name is actually Swallow.


We moved to LA from Boston when Sarah got a job at the Tinder HQ on Sunset Boulevard. At the beginning, we were enticed by the prospect of becoming actors. We realized two things almost immediately: 1) We don’t like it and 2) We are not that good at it.


*they're stunning*


How would I describe us? Basically the Olsen Twins minus the successful child-acting career. I totally don’t resent my parents for not getting us into child-acting. Definitely not. No resentment all. Almost none. Maybe just a little. I mean, if I had two identical twin daughters who are cute as hell with unlimited charisma and instinctively know how to hit their angles would I have gotten them into acting? Of course. Again, zero resentment.

We have our own blog, The Swallow Twins. We took a hiatus for several years to rebrand. Our website has transitioned from general beauty-related content to having more of an emphasis on fashion and our life in LA (including our favorite spots and weekend recaps, which you can find here.)



We’ve been called many things: The life of the party…and the reason the party ended early; vintage fashion icons; “too much;” and as mentioned before, “The Swallow Twins.”


Sarah is a chronic over-sharer, and Katherine tries not to get too second-hand embarrassed.

Basically, we’re the reality stars that never were.


We are 25 years old and currently reside in West Hollywood, CA.

How would we describe dating in LA?

It’s like an hour of a guy searching for the clit and never finding it; or perhaps it’s like being locked in a windowless room listening to Katy Perry lyrics over and over again—Torture.

*sorry to Katy Perry stans*


Types of guys in LA:


The Mactor: my friend coined this phrase, meaning the “Model/Actor.” He’s definitely more into himself and his career than you. It’s honorable that he’s going after his dreams, but he probably can’t afford to get you dinner. In fact, on the first date, he will definitely make you split 50/50. If you happen to not have $5 in cash to split, he will suggest you buy the drinks at the next place: one that he picks and where drinks are $18 a piece. This hyper-specific anecdote totally didn’t happen to me. Unless this person is actually committed to you, and you to them and their career, please don’t bother.

The Tik-toker/ Youtuber: at first, you won’t know if you recognize his face from work or a random party until he casually drops that he has millions of TikTok followers within the first five minutes of chatting. He’ll be charismatic, and he’ll even invite you on a dinner date. When said date arrives, he’ll ask you to stop by his house in the hills for some pre-dinner drinks. When you get there, it’ll 100% be a frat house with 6 other TikTokers/DJs/whatever else.

*A frat house? Absolutely not*


They’ll be stoked to show you the “stu” where the boys are kicking it, smoking weed, and drinking alcohol, all of which they do not offer to you. After an hour waiting, you’ll Uber home without him even noticing you’ve left. Oh, and don’t accept his party invite. You’ll arrive and he’ll tell you that he can’t be seen with you, as he’s brought a former child acting star as his date. In his defense, the movie that she was in 20 years ago slapped.


The Musician: this guy seems really nice at first, usually. He’ll have that hot alternative look—tattoos, long hair—super hot, just my type. However, while you are doing anything, like watching TV or listening to music on a speaker, he will take out his guitar and start playing music: his original music. It doesn’t matter if the NFL game of the year is on; he will put the volume of the TV down and play his guitar. He doesn’t want to hear you speak about your accomplishments; he prefers a listener. He also oddly made me eat egg salad sandwiches in the morning. However, I might’ve stayed with him if he wore eyeliner. I’m really into that.



The Real Estate Agent: this guy actually has their shit together, except for the occasional rave in DTLA. I would say you want to commit to this type of guy, if possible. However, he’s extremely busy and it may be hard to get past date three. His standards are impossibly high for what he wants in a partner, probably as a result of a driven career. Because of this, he might be managing multiple girls at one time, with issues committing to one. If you can make a realtor commit, my vote is to wife ‘em up. Imagine the nice house you’ll have together in the future.


The Surfer Dude: this guy seems like a healthy break from the clout-chasing TikTokers/IG

models/content creators/Mactors that you’ve been dating. He’ll live in Santa Monica

or Venice (or maybe Westwood because he can’t afford the former two options), so

that he’s close to the ocean. Dates will consist of happy hour at low-key, lesser

known spots (so cool, so trendy) or picnics at the beach.

*you could be a beach girly if you date the Health Guru*


The relationship will go great until you realize that he’s not paid for one of your Ubers to and from his place multiple times a week. When the waitress takes your orders, you’ll ask for a tequila soda, just for him to stop you and tell the waitress that you’ll actually be taking the Modelo beer because it’s on the happy hour menu. This guy is not worth the money it will cost you to date him.


The Health Guru: this guy preaches well-being, spirituality, and overall health. He’s “Cali sober,” meaning he’ll smoke weed and do loads of cocaine, but refuses to touch alcohol, and looks down on people who do. He probably attends sound baths and meditations frequently. He might still go on a date with you even if your Zodiac signs aren’t compatible.


Though, the Health Guru doesn’t really date. He more just floats around you and sees if there’s the right “vibe.” He also doesn’t believe in monogamy. Seriously, run. This type of guy loves himself, like, a lot. He’ll never think you’re on the same spiritual level—AKA think you’re good enough for him.


Places to meet guys in LA:


First of all, almost everywhere we listed is in West Hollywood, because best place. Here’s where you meet— bars. Any bars:


The Den: this bar definitely has a younger vibe with all the UCLA college kids who go. It’s the perfect place to meet people because it’s a little smaller and people crowd around the bar, waiting to meet hot gals. They also have game nights (nothing brings strangers together like game nights).


Barney’s Beanery: Barney’s is a popular divey sports bar. Pool tables and mini basketball games make this an interactive place for groups. When you go to catch a soccer or football game, you’re bound to run into a group of hot guys. There are also really old men who frequent this spot, but if you’re lucky they won’t approach you—unless you’re into that sort of thing.


Soho House: at this member’s only club, unfortunately, you might meet some of the TikTokers. However, there are plenty of other guys to choose from. One of the best guys I’ve met was a bartender here (alcohol might be the way to my heart).


The Belmont: the Belmont is a fun bar. There’s a cute outdoor area where people get brunch and a nice loungey interior for late nights. We actually met our best guy friend here because I commented on a football game we were all watching, so it’s definitely a good spot to meet friendly people.


The Abbey: although this is traditionally a gay bar, a lot of straight guys go because they know that straight gals will go to have a fun time dancing. I’m pretty sure 95% of them don’t mean it in a predatory way.


The Bungalow: it’s in Santa Monica, ew. However, this has a super fun vibe and there are always a lot of different groups of people who come together. However, the line to get in is unbearable. Sarah thinks your best bet is meeting someone in line and running off into the sunset together.


Now, for the oddities:


Any Workout Class/The Gym: something peeves us about a guy watching us workout. However, we did meet a few guys at Equinox (the front desk guy and a trainer). This was back when we thought we were rich and could afford Equinox.


Dialog Café: you can always find a hot guy working away on his laptop at this popular café (one of our personal favorites). He might be too busy to return your soft smile and sly wink. Sometimes I bring a laptop and pretend I’m working so he feels I’m a kindred spirit and is more likely to return my advances. At the least, it’s a place to hot-guy-people-watch and grab some awesome food and coffee.


The WeHo Dog Park: Sarah and I go to this dog park even though we don’t have a dog. Totally normal. We don’t know if we’re looking more at the hot men or the dogs. Wow king, you can take care of a whole ass dog? I bet you do your own laundry, too. Just wife me up already.


Finally, some advice on dating in LA:

Don’t.

 

Thank you to The Swallow Twins for being guest writers for Revel & Motion!! Fun fact: I literally met them in a random Boston bar bathroom like 6 years ago. We became bathroom besties, as girls do, and the rest is history! Be nice to girls in bar bathrooms!!!


Please give them both a follow and stay tuned for more R&M Dating Guides. DM me if you'd like to write one for your city!

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