Have you been single forever? Do you suck at relationships? Do you ever wonder why? I mean, personally I've been single for 3 years and why I like to think it's because I choose to be... maybe there's something I'm doing that I need to self-diagnosis. Let's dig deeper to see if you're suffering from a common dating disease. Full disclosure: obviously I'm not a doctor this is just for fun and maybe I can help some of you hookers while also helping myself, you're welcome #charity.
Serial Cheateritis:
Now this serious sickness doesn't just effect young people, it doesn't recognize age, however I personally have seen it mostly in the under-30 population. It's prevalent in both men and women and leaves a trail of tears and sadness in it's path. Serial Cheateritis is a sickness that causes the infected to cheat on their significant other in either a mental, physical, or emotional way (sometimes in all three ways). Someone famous that suffers from this is Tristan Thompson, HOW DARE YOU DO THAT TO KHLOE!!!!! YOU ARE THE WORST!
Okay, sorry... back to it. Those who are infected are selfish people who only care for themselves. In every relationship they've had they have cheated multiple times. In order to self-cope they tell themselves that they don't have feelings for those they cheat with. They say they love and care about the one they're dating but they just have a "need" that has to be filled. I ran into multiple guys who suffer from this. Those stand-up gentlemen will say, "it's just sex, it doesn't mean anything" or "I love (my significant other) but we've been arguing lately". They will make you promise to not say a word and that it's the last time. Spoiler: it's never the last time.
Now I'm not ashamed to say that I have briefly personally suffered from this condition in a previous relationship. Instead of breaking up with the person I was unhappy with I selfishly decided to get with someone else (multiple times) to make myself feel better. I wanted to feel like I had a "one-up" on him in a way. We were arguing a lot and I didn't trust him. Fucking obviously I should have just broken up with him but instead I cheated. Not proud of it, but bright side, you can recover from this!
I believe in rehabilitation and a serial cheater could possibly recover if they find the right person that fully fulfills their physical, mental, and emotional needs. There is the saying, "once a cheater, always a cheater." I'm not sure if I agree with this (EXCEPT FOR YOU TRISTAN, YOU SUCK!!!) because I have known some people to cheat a few times with someone and then find the right person and be 100% faithful. If you think you're suffering from this then I suggest not dating someone unless you don't want anyone else except them. You're not looking at other guys/girls "that" way anymore because you're so truly happy with the relationship you have. Maybe there is hope for those who suffer from this sickness, except there's none for Tristan Thompson byeeee.
Inflammatory Know-It-All Disorder:
Everyone knows someone who suffers from this mental disorder. There's nothing more obnoxious and cringe-worthy than someone suffering from know-it-all disorder. Those afflicted have the unrelenting need to always be right and have an answer for everything. From spitting out random facts all the time or continuously trying to prove they're right - this is one of the most debilitating dating disorders.
Even when proven wrong with the receipts presented to them those who suffer from this disorder will never accept defeat and stick to their guns at all costs. It could be viewed as admirable in a sick twisted way, most view it as obnoxious and beyond help. If you think you're suffering from this then R+M's advice is take a hard look in the mirror. Do you see Albert Einstein in the reflection? No... you don't? Then shut the fuck up you aren't the most intelligent person of the modern time and accept that. Just accept that you can't be right and the most knowledgeable all the time. If you can't change this then you might just be alone forever because those who suffer from this unbearable disorder are a nightmare to be in a relationship with.
How can I make that statement you may ask? I've dated someone who has suffered from this fake ass disorder. He was a textbook know-it-all and would attempt to exercise his intelligence over me. Scroll down to my "Dear Ex" post for more details, he's "M". I knew there was no way it was going to work out between us because I couldn't stand that he couldn't just take accountability when he said something wrong. He was the reason I briefly suffered from cheater-itis. Wow, we've come full circle guyssssss.
Bad Communicator Disease:
Possibly the most frustrating disease we are discussing in today's post. This also effects all ages and all genders and can be a reason a relationship deteriorates or never even starts to begin with. Those who suffer from this disease are not good at setting or keeping plans, getting to know you on a deeper level, or showing you they're interested in you. Think about it... I'm sure there's someone you were previously talking to that would take hours or even days to return your texts.
The harsh reality is most bad communicators probably just don't like you very much and don't care enough to let you know. If someone is really interested in you you'll hear from them at least once every few days, if not on a daily basis. They will make plans to see you and show you that they're invested in spending time with you. Personally, I have a few guys that I don't care to reach out to all the time and won't make answering their calls, texts, or snapchats a priority. I'm a pretty good communicator but only for people that are important to me.
If you find yourself dealing with a bad communicator don't waste your time with them, they're not thinking about you - trust me. If you're reading this and realizing you suffer from this fake disease then just keep it real with the people you're leading on. Because that's what you're doing... you're leading them on by responding and sporadically reaching out to them. I understand everyone gets busy and forgets to respond every now and then but golden rule: treat others how you wanted to be treated.
Picky Pox:
Hi my name is Riliegh and I suffer from Picky pox. S/O to my girl Em for helping me with the witty name. Picky pox is a disease that causes you to pick-a-part a guy/girl to find something you don't like about them. Sometimes what you are picking is warranted, like they're rude to wait staff/uber drivers or have a horrible sense of humor. Other times it's silly things like you wishing they're voice was a little deeper (guilty) or he was an inch taller (also guilty).
I believe it's okay to be picky to some degree. Like you should have standards for how people treat you so if that's how you're picky then keep that shit up. However, if you're picky over silly physical things maybe you should alter your expectations a bit. If someone gives you all the feels (physically, mentally, and emotionally) but they aren't that tall or don't dress very well then you should chill tf out. First, you can fix style... so if it's something that can be worked on then you should cut them a break. Now height or muscle mass can't be fixed but you aren't perfect either so you should give it a go.
If you are suffering from picky pox I suggest writing down your non-negotiables for a relationship. Then re-evaluate that list and see if there are some things that people can't change and take them off the list. You should be mainly going off of personality anyway, it's more realistic nowadays. Unfortunately science hasn't developed enough yet that I can clone Leonardo DiCaprio a la Titanic but fingers crossed because then I could fully recover from picky pox.
I hope you guys enjoyed today's post. Obviously this is satirical and I hope no one thinks I am poking fun at actual diseases/disorders. I'm just trying to bring some humor and wit to the issues most people see when dating. I'm already planning on doing a part two to this topic so please DM me any other fake dating disorders you'd like me to diagnosis! I hope you all have a good weekend and thanks for voting in my IG poll to write about this topic - it was a lot of fun! Chat later!