My Parent's Secret to Love & Marriage
This was such a fun post to write, I can't wait for you all to read it! S/O to my IG followers for always giving me great post ideas, it means SO MUCH TO ME!
First, I wanted to give you a quick life update/some upcoming posts I'm working on. Last week, I completely self-sabotaged myself for the first time. It was an alarming (and embarrassing) experience, but it really opened my eyes that I really don't know what I'm looking for when it comes to dating. So look out for a follow-up post about that and what I'm doing to better myself. Also working on Types of Single Girls and my first of the R&M Cheating Series: How to Catch a Cheater.
Now, the reason you're here:
Let me tell you about my parents and their marriage. My parents have a relationship I aspire to have one day. To be frank, if my future husband and I don't have a relationship like they do I'd rather just be alone!! Their marriage has definitely not always been perfect, they get in arguments, they've struggled, and they have gone through some tough times. The love and respect they have for reach other is so obvious to everyone that meets them. I swear everyone is obsessed with them, as they rightfully should be! They have been married for 31 years and are my biggest role models in life. I asked them questions my IG followers submitted and here are their responses to some of them! Thank you again for your questions!
How do you not get annoyed with each other? (lol, seriously great question though)
Mom: It's not that we don't get annoyed with each other, everyone gets annoyed with people. It's how you handle it. Actually, we have started a new practice and it's "pet peeves." So little things that bother you about the other person you say, "pet peeve." And then you see if they can change it. For example, I always leave the garbage really full, but I close the ties and then your Dad comes in and empties the garbage. BUT, he does not put in a new garbage bag. So I call "pet peeve" and now he does it and I try to take out the trash more often.
R: So you're conditioning him....
M: Yes, we're not just letting it fester. I guess that's my little advice.
Dad: I think it's just... if you really care about each other let the little things go. Unfortunately, my parents didn't get along. It was like every little thing they would just be at each other. That can just fester and doesn't usually lead to a good thing. With your Mom, there may be some things that bothers me but it's not that big of a deal.
M: So you just let me do it? And I bother you????
D: No, no.
Does your Mom resent Dad for the sacrifices she made while your dad played professional hockey?
M: It was hard, I'm not going to lie. It was hard to give up the dreams that I had for myself and my career. I had to put him first and then you girls. I had an option, I could have gone back to work when you were little. However, he was traveling a lot. Literally at sometimes I was a single mother, it was tough. In the long run, it was worth it. Yes, it was worth it.
D: It's appreciated and that happens in life. There are certain things you have to make sacrifices for at some point. She'll have to answer that if she has been paid back sufficiently.
M: Yes, you've given me a very nice life.
How long did you do distance for? What are your tips?
D: Three years.
M: We started dating after our freshman year of college and it was only from Arizona to Maine for one year. The other two years was New York to Maine, after I transferred to FIT and that was a little closer. You kids have it so easy. You have FaceTime, Instagram, and you can see each other all the time. We had pictures and we wrote letters. No, you cannot read them!
D: *laughs* No, there's some stuff in that you can't read. You aren't getting free reign to the letters.
M: My tips would be let the person you know you care. You have to trust your partner.
D: You can't have drama. That's the main thing.
M: For us, we are friends. First and foremost. That's what has helped us so much throughout the years. He's my best friend, I'm his best friend. The honesty we have that you can say anything and know that it's accepted. Sometimes I say some things I shouldn't say and he will call me on it. It's a check.
D: And vice-a-versa.
If you could give your younger self advice, before you got married, what would it be?
D: For us when we got married a lot of our friends were also getting married. Around mid-20 age. Looking back, maybe experience more things together. We also didn't rush to have kids, take your time with that. You have so much of your life ahead of you and once you have children it really does change things. I felt like being married, initially, still really feels like you're dating. Once you have kids though they become priority and it changes things.
M: We were 23 years old when we got married and one of the reasons we got married so young was because I wouldn't move in with him until we were married.
R: I didn't know that!
M: Well, that was the hockey life. All these little puck bunnies and all that stuff. That wasn't what I was going to be.
R: *laughing hysterically* no puck bunnies for Dad!!
M: Nope! My advice would be know what you're getting into. It was hard, that first year, because I gave up everything to move across the country to live with Dad for his career. I had to re-invent myself.
What advice do you have for R's future partner? (inquiring minds want to know!)
M: Patience. You need to be patient and keep her entertained, take care of her, be caring. Make sure you have money.
M: Okay, don't be lazy. I guess that's it, I don't want someone lazy for you. At least have a good work ethic, because you have a really good work ethic. Patience is the name of the game with her. Whenever we meet your future guy we have some great stories for you about when she was younger.
D: He's got to be easy-going. Somebody that can balance you when get intense or are really strong-willed.
R: I sound like a nutcase.
M: You're not a nutcase but you're very strong-willed... (BIG FACTS)
Anything else you guys want my readers to know?
D: Yes, if there's one thing that makes our marriage work... I'm always trying to help her. If I had a long day of work and come home but she's made dinner I will clean the kitchen up. Because it's not her job. We take care of each other. I try to find moments where if I do this I know she will appreciate it. I think that's important when you're 30 years into it. When I hear from other people who have gotten divorced - that doesn't happen. They don't do anything to help each other. That's not a good recipe.
M: I agree. That's really the best thing he can do for me is help out in the kitchen.
D: And ladies please pick up the dog poop in the backyard *laughs*
Wow, I love my parents so much. They're extremely authentic and genuine when it comes to their love and relationship. I know this may be a bit dated of a term but.... they are GOALS AF. Thank you for reading and I hope you took something away from this post today. As always, please DM me any feedback or topics you'd want me to write about. The feedback I got from my last post (The Most Savage Thing I've Ever Done..) blew me away! You're all the best and inspire me to write more and more <3