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It's The Evolution For Me....

I'm not sure if you're aware of the it's the ___ for me saying but if you've been living under a damn rock I'll educate real quick. It was a challenge on Tik-Tok (RIP or not RIP it's here to stay???) where friends would roast tf out of each other playfully picking at the other's worst qualities/insecurities. Definitely don't suggest doing this challenge if you're sensitive! Anyway... the challenge has evolved to a commonly said saying. It's not even any longer poking fun at a flaw but could even be highlighting a quality of someone. If you don't like it well... too bad. Like the "lit" of the 2015, "it's the __ for me" will probably be around for a little.

* my face as I get roasted by my friends *

When I reflect back on my dating career it's the Nicks for me. I never really had good experiences with Nicks in the realm of love and relationships. Sure, sure I know there are some great Nicks out there but in my personal experience they have been far and few between. The worst I've ever been treated was by a Nick and that's all I'll say about that short loser. I asked my IG followers what is the common guy name they didn't have the best romantic experiences with.

Here's the results:

- Nick

- Ryan

- Jake

- Matt

- Sean

- Chase

*You didn't deserve Kelly!*

Now of course, this is silly and doesn't mean that if you meet a Jake you should run for the hills. Not every Matt is a dbag or every Chase is a scumbag. I even dated a very nice Ryan who's the only ex I can't say anything bad about. But the overwhelming # of Nicks I got definitely should have you reconsider naming your future child that cursed name. However, I bet all these guys that scarred someone have the same toxicity running through their veins.

That got me thinking of all the guys I've dated and the things some of them had in common that initially attracted me to them. Driven, good sense of humor, tall, witty... but also unreliable, bad communicator, doesn't know what he wants. I, at first, didn't notice the less desired traits because I was so blinded by the connection. For me, when I vibe with a guy the connection is intense right off the bat. You'll know I like you by my energy I give off. PSA: If you're a guy reading this and you and I only went on one date well... she didn't feel that connection.

It's interesting that as I've gotten older I've really outgrown letting guys pull these egregious moves on me. Calling me past 9 PM, last minute plans, expecting me to move my plans around to satisfy them, inconsistency, and overall fuck boy behavior. I'm so embarrassed there was a time in my life where I let that shit slide. I'd let it slide if the sex was great and he gave me a lot of attention. Attention in the most shallow way: a never-ending stream of superficial compliments.

Now, I'd rather hear that a guy finds my work ethic sexy. Or they think I'm a good friend - you know something more meaningful than the generic "you're so hot." Be a great communicator and let's talk on the phone instead of mindlessly texting each other all day. Get to know who I am and what I care about instead of trying to just get my clothes off. Ask me thought provoking questions to get me to open up. The physical chemistry will always be important but it's become not enough to stand alone. You gotta bring more to the table then just a great body, babe!

This wasn't an overnight transition. It was honestly due to all the times I got disrespected or screwed over. I truly had to respect myself and do some reflecting about my choices. I came to terms with what I will and won't allow. It made me look in the mirror and realize what I had to bring to the table was so much more. So thank you to the Nicks in the end. The tears weren't worth it but it's the self-growth for me.


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