How To Get the Fuck Over Someone
Updated: Jul 12, 2020
Chill title... but I said what I said. Wow, it feels so nice to get back to writing and having this slick new Revel & Motion design. I want to give a shout out to my best friend, Jessie, for all her help with the redesign. I have been wanting to make my website easier to navigate for a long time - and she helped me do it!
So, here's a brief update on my dating life. I met a guy I really liked and connected with around May and it didn't work out. He is a little lost in what he wants to do with his life and kind of threw my stability in my face as an excuse. I was extremely disappointed and I'd be lying if I said I'm completely over it.
The official Revel & Motion definition of getting over someone is: the ability to see that person, potentially with someone else, and not have an emotional response. You no longer have romantic feelings for someone you used to have them for.
I recently polled my IG followers to see how long they typically take to get over someone. I asked the women to vote on one poll and the men to vote on another (some of you really suck at following simple directions, lol). I had more than 100 people participate in my little study and I really appreciate you all voting!
Here are my findings:
More than 50% of the women polled say it takes MORE than three months for them to get over someone
More than 50% of the men polled say it takes LESS than three months for them to get over someone
Interesting... the reason I did this poll is all because of an old Cosmopolitan article I was reading about what the timeline of getting over someone is. The psychologist interviewed for the article was discussing that women tend to really allow their feelings to help them get over a romantic relationship. We are conditioned to do so thanks to all the rom com movies we've watched growing up. The mourning period of a relationship comes naturally because that's what we've always seen in shows, books, movies. The girl has a girl night and burns the clothes of her asshole ex who cheated on her. She gets her revenge body back and gets with a Matthew McConaughey look-a-like. If only that shit really happened that easy, lol.
The psychologist in the Cosmo article went on to say that men have been conditioned to bury their feelings and "be a man." In the sense they need to just man up and get over it, feelings are for females. I know so many guys who are immediately on dating apps the second they end things with someone. It's what they know but can be emotionally destructive for them in the long run. I would bet a TON of guys are still not over their ex's because they never had that mourning period. They then jump into something too quick with an unsuspecting girl who's about to get screwed over because he's not over his past relationship. Hi, I've been that girl lol.
My advice for getting over someone is to allow yourself to feel all the emotions. It's hard for me to even type this because I hate being sad. I hate crying and missing someone who may not be missing me. It makes me feel weak as shit if I'm being honest. However, it's healthier than burying my feelings deep down and exploding at an unsuspecting time.
Here's how I typically get over someone and if I really, really liked them it takes me around 3 months to not have a pit in my stomach if I see a photo of them with someone else/see them out:
Unfollow them on social media or mute their accounts. For me, this is a crucial step. I am very much an out-of-sight out-of-mind type of person. I don't go to their page and look at their photos, that shit just makes me sad and miss them. Mute them/unfollow/block them... it will help.
Look in the mirror. I mean this figuratively... but look back on your time with that person and reallyyyyy think about what went well and what didn't. I do this A LOT and it helps me come to terms with why it didn't work. With the last guy I was seeing... I had to come to terms that he had some past relationship trauma that he projected onto me. After some reflection, I don't really want to be with someone like that. I didn't hurt you, don't take it out on me.
Realize it's okay it didn't work. There's that great quote by Mother Teresa, "some people come in our life as lessons. Some come in our life as blessings." She's completely right and it's OKAY IT DIDN'T WORK OUT WITH HIM/HER. Take this time to come to terms with that and be happy that you had a deep connection with another person. Learn and grow from it and get back out there when you feel comfortable.
Also, do something that makes you happy during this time. Spend time with friends and family, pick up a new hobby, indulge yourself, and laugh a lot. The romance world is a crazy, wild ride and you need to be strong in yourself to keep getting back up and getting after it.
As always, feel free to DM me any feedback. Thanks for reading <3