Guys, I should have known better. I really should have. This is a very recent dating story that involves proposed international travel, horribly mismatched outfits, uncomfortable cringe worthy moments, and a guy who was WAY too into me. Oh, I forgot to mention he only knew me for four days and I literally think he was already planning our wedding in his mind. We will call him M and I'm sure he's going to read this so... hi. He told me he really wanted to make my website well... congrats you did!!!
So M and I matched on Hinge and he's tall, good-looking, and has the appropriately short responses to the promoted dating app questions. He calls me gorgeous and asks me to grab a drink - I loved the forwardness and obliged. We make plans to go to a restaurant known for their margaritas in the city. I was actually a little nervous for the date and made sure to look as amazing as possible - because impressing your date is important. I arrive first and nervously scroll through IG until M arrives in a sharp blue suit.
The first 10 minutes of the date are awkward with some small talk about work and I feel like he was trying to show off how successful he is to me. He's talking about his Audi and how he's buying a house soon in South Philly and he has a custom suit. Dude, I get it - you make more money than me. No need to brag about it or name drop expensive brands. Ummm I'm the one with the discount code to The Geisha House (RILIEGH20), don't see me bragging about that. But really, go check it out - you're welcome ; )
ANWYAY, back to the date. We both have a margarita and the conversation loosens up and shifts to topics I am most comfortable discussing: dating, sex, travel, and food. We have a good amount of things in common and are big on spending time with families. M then lets slip that he broke up with his live-in girlfriend 4 months ago. I was a little taken aback. He stressed to me that he is looking for something serious and I questioned him if he was ready for a relationship so soon after being in a serious one. He insisted he was and denied being a serial dater (he was a textbook serial dater I was just distracted by the suit and sarcastic sense of humor - I should have known better... the theme of this story/my life).
The date goes well and he walked me out to my Uber. We don't kiss but make plans to hang out on Sunday after the Eagles game. I will admit I was EXCITED. This guy was exactly what I was looking for and he seemed very into me (boy was he). We text most of the day Friday which transforms to me shamefully drunk texting him when I go out with my girlfriends that night. Saturday he comes over for a few hours and we have fun laughing and getting to know each other more. I ask him to just not be drunk when I see him on Sunday. He is going to the game and I wasn't planning on doing anything on Sunday except watching Real Housewives, taking a bath, and sleeping.
Sunday arrives and he texts me mid-day that he stopped drinking and is excited to see me later. Well... buckle up boys and girls here we fucking go. Instead of a nice dim sum dinner in Chinatown I was subjected to an embarrassing display of human calamity. I get a call from M that he got off the wrong train and he isn't sure where he is in the city. I told him to just put in the restaurant's address in his phone or call an Uber to Dim Sum Garden (best soup dumplings in Philly - you're welcome). "I can't do that, I lost my wallet at the game," he slurs. I ask him if he's drunk and he vehemently denies it. I remind him you don't need your wallet to call an Uber - he acknowledges that and says he will call one. My annoyance is growing - I don't like babysitting people. Use your brain and figure it out - this is 2019 we have loads of options how to get you to your destination.
15 minutes goes by and M then sends me his location and he's walking in the complete opposite direction of the restaurant. I call him and my temper flares up a bit while trying to understand his utter stupidity. "You know I'm bad at directions, babe," he explains to me. I've known you for four days, how do I know you're bad at directions?? Finally he tells me he's close so I head to the restaurant. This is the most horrifying part of the story: what he was wearing. If you know me, personal style is important to me. I know guys tend to not really care about what they wear but all I ask is that you match.
M is wearing an oversize navy blue Masters polo, black Lululemon joggers, and CHESTNUT BROWN boots with NO laces (THESE BOOTS WERE MEANT TO HAVE LACES). My mouth hung opened as I asked him what the fuck he was wearing. "What, this is like a $800 outfit," he cockily replied. Yes, maybe all those items were pricey but you look like a homeless person with all those mismatching items paired together. Multiple people on the street looked him up and down in a disapproving way. I was humiliated. Because let's face it... this stage of knowing someone you are still in the "impressing" phase. I'm not going to show up with my hair not done, with my retainer in, or in an outfit that doesn't make my ass look great. I want to reel you in and IMPRESS you. I couldn't be more UNimpressed by M and this atrocity of an outfit he was wearing. You can call me materialistic and I really don't care - the audacity of him to show up to a DATE looking like a hot mess still baffles me to this day.
Again, discount code to The Geisha House (RILIEGH20) they have cute clothes and I'm giving you a discount - GO BUY STUFF AND MATCH!!!
We sit down in the restaurant and, like most city restaurants, the tables are veryyyy close together. Another couple sits besides us and the woman keeps looking out the window - which just so happens to be right beside where we are sitting. "I swear to God if this woman looks at me one more time," he loudly said to me. I go bright red and instantly scold him like a child. "She's looking outside, you're acting like an asshole," I harshly told him. I was so embarrassed that he would act like that - where was the cool, funny guy I had hung out with the day before? Who was this completely new, horribly dressed man sitting in front of me?
Throughout dinner he plays with his chopsticks, tries to grab my hair with said chopsticks *cringe*, and seriously invites me to go to Tokyo with him in October. He then proceeds to tell me he told his family about me and said, "I'm in love" to them when they asked him to describe me *studio audience gasps*... oh wait there's more. He then asks me when he can meet my family. Holy shit, I wish I was exaggerating any of this. I go on to tell him I'm not having a good time and he is freaking me out treating me like his girlfriend - I've known you for FOUR DAYS. "I'm sorry Sundays are just myyyy day," he slurred. He's a huge Eagles fan and he asks me to accept he behaves like a child on Sundays. Nope, not happening. You're a whole ass grown adult - you don't get a day to regress and embarrass me. Him saying that made my skin crawl, I was officially no longer attracted to him.
M was not going to be deterred though. He told me he wanted to take me to a fancy dinner on Friday and I told him I needed some space before I commit to that. If he can take in the brutal criticism I gave him and leave me alone for a few days maybe I'll go back to how I was feeling after our first date. He texts me multiple times, unanswered, throughout the week. He sends me incessant snap chats and DMs me on Instagram. HOW AM I NOT BEING CLEAR I WANT SPACE!? I tell him Friday isn't happening and I then go on to blocking him on social media and his number because he's a lunatic.
Also, if you were wondering. He told me he would Venmo me for the dinner (BECAUSE HE LOST HIS WALLET LIKE A DRUNK IDIOT) and he never did. What a fucking loser. You know what though, I asked for a guy that was obsessed with me - I got that - and holy shit do I regret it. If I ever go missing M did it and I'm probably locked away in his basement somewhere. I truly hope he can do some self-reflecting and not behave this way in the future. It's okay to catch feelings fast but realize that not everyone wants to be smothered. Play it cool and don't treat someone like your boyfriend/girlfriend until you ACTUALLY KNOW THEM.
Thanks for sticking with this post - I know it was a long one. The biggest lesson I'm pulling from this experience is to never accept "I'll Venmo" you - get that $$ in my account before I agree to paying for anything. Yup, that's my only lesson from this shit show. He's a psycho and I'm pissed I wasted four days dealing with his poorly-dressed ass. Do you guys like when I tell you about my dating stories? If yes, I have a ton more that I've written but haven't posted. As alwaysssss DM me any post ideas! I have a collab post coming up with a fellow blogger and we are giving dating/sex advice. Please DM me any questions you have! I promise to keep it anonymous <3