Is three a crowd? Well, for some couples it's exactly what they're looking for...
Have you ever been on a dating app and seen a couple on there? Sometimes it's super obvious... pictures of a couple kissing or touching each other in a way that suggests they're definitely together. Other times it's a surprise as you scroll down the man/woman's profile and then the bio slaps you with "hey, me and my bf/gf are looking for a third. Message if interested :)"
Have you ever wondered what those couples are really looking for? Aren't they worried about the stigma around threesomes and less mainstream sexual fantasies? Do they ever get jealous? What are their rules?
Well, I'm here to introduce you to A (the girlfriend) & M (the boyfriend) who are a couple on Bumble looking for a co-star. They're a very normal, attractive couple and were a great time to hang out with. I believe threesomes are seen as taboo. People seeking a more adventurous sex life are "weird" or "freaks." If they enjoy having the occasional threesome then they must be in a toxic relationship that's clearly not stable. Or they're seen as a creepy couple who's into some weird shit. I'm hoping if you have any of these thoughts about the subject this interview may open your mind. A & M graciously sat down with me and answered all my questions about their relationship and why they're looking for a third! Enjoy <3
How long have you been together?
A: Two years!
M: Both of us were in a serious relationships when we met. Like long ass relationships we were trying to get out of.
A: We've not only been dating for two years but living together for two years. When you live together it's like a totally different story.
Would you say you're in an open relationship?
A & M: No.
Have you had a guest star in previous relationships as well? Or is this the first relationship you've explored that?
A: So I had one before with my ex and a girl. That was my introduction to it.
M: It was like a shitty one, she told me about it. Her boyfriend was shitty and begging her to do it.
A: I wasn't really interested in it at all.
M: He just had sex with the other girl the whole time.
A: It was just a fantasy for him and our relationship sucked. It was bad because I wasn't doing it for the right reasons. I was just trying to please him. It wasn't a good way for me to explore my sexuality.
How did you talk about wanting to explore having a threesome?
A: In middle school I kissed my best friend and thought it was really hot. My feelings then just kind of graduated and I told M I was into girls and had previously had a threesome. We wanted to meet in the middle and do things together. Different, fun things. A big motivator for me is that, not that it is for him in any way, but I met him and was so head over heels. That I wanted to explore things with him.
Are you looking for a third permanently?
A: No, not permanently. But we have been with some girls multiple times. How many, babe?
M: Like five.
Has a girl ever tried to overstep with you guys before?
M: There have been a couple bossy chicks. Her and I are very in sync with each other. For us it has to be more than an attraction with another girl - it has to be more with our connection as a couple. We've had way more fun with less hot girls just because of the experience it creates for us.
A: Yeah, it's more about their personality and how they interact with us.
What are your rules?
A: As we've gotten more comfortable the "rules" aren't as important. If I'm not there in the room it's not happening. Like if I go to the bathroom... we're stopping.
M: We've had some times where she's been into wanting to watch. Anything we're interested in and open to doing we talk about it. We're not into weird shit.
A: Yeah, I'm not trying to get peed on *laughs*.
M: We use the apps always together. There isn't communication on the side without us knowing about it.
* M has a profile on Bumble seeking woman, A has a profile on Bumble woman seeking woman. Both make it clear in their profile bios that they are a couple and a package deal *
Has every date off of a dating app been a success?
M: There's been times where we've met girls and if we're not into it... then we're not into it.
A: We've been on a couple of dates with girls and made up excuses to go home.
M: I faked a work emergency call before.
A: Yeah, just the other weekend we did that. If your dating app profile pictures are suspect... then you probably are different looking in person.
Do you feel there's a stigma around threesome?
A: There's a stigma that anyone who does this is a weird freak. It fucks with me because it's hard to tell my friends. They think I'm like a sadistic, weird person. They think it's a freak culture in a group just for weirdos.
M: We're all kissing each other and are all involved. It's not like we're tying people up and doing weird shit.
A: I automatically assume people are judging the worst about me. I remind myself who I am and I'm not that person. Just because people think it's weird doesn't make it weird! Also people fantasize about this.
M: For your readers, so many girls we've hooked up with just came out of a long-term relationship and always wanted to do this. But they never could talk to their past boyfriend about it or communicate that to them.
Have you ever gotten jealous?
A: There have been times I've gotten weird and insecure and jealous. More than I want to admit. I start overthinking his or the other girls actions. Like I'm being left out. I know that the next day that's not the case but if I drink too much or something it could become that. There have been times I've gotten very upset.
M: Yeah you get into your head too much. We could be focused on her the entire time and she'd still might think like that.
What are your tips for a first time threesome?
A: Talk beforehand about what you're comfortable with and be honest.
M: I would set up a lot of rules at first. For me I want to just be involved. I haven't had sex with every girl we've had a threesome with.
A: There've been a couple that haven't had sex with him.
M: If they don't feel comfortable having sex with me, that's fine. We're still involved but I'm okay with not having that happen.
A: He's there for more of the experience with me.
Okay, A & M were so incredibly nice and their love for each other really radiated through when I sat down with them. l love that they are so secure in their relationship and this is just a small part of what makes them love each other so much. Big thanks to them for being open to sharing the intimate details of their relationship with us all. If you're interested in knowing more, or want to ask them questions, please shoot me a DM! A & M are open to answering your questions if you're interested in trying a threesome in your relationship. Chat later <3