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The Ex Factor

Editor's Note: The events in this post happened very early on in the year. The reason this post was written so long after the fact is because I hope it will resonate with my readers. The goal of Revel & Motion is to connect with you all about relatable dating experiences. I'm thankful to have moved on, emotionally, from this experience but still felt the need to share it. I know some of my readers have had a similar experience with an ex.

 

I used to be conflicted on whether your ex is an ex for a reason. The reason I was conflicted was because I had one ex in particular that I always remained hopeful that "timing" was the reason that we didn't work out. We dated in college and didn't speak for years until this past Halloween. I don't mean to spoil this for you but this is a classic R&M story where I end up hurt but learning a shit ton in the process. Enjoy!


R and I had a great relationship in college. I always looked back on it fondly and would tell people he was the only guy I dated that I didn't have anything negative to say about. I'm so embarrassed to admit this but... I once thought, maybe, if we met later in life he "could be the one" because of how compatible we were *CRINGE*. We broke up after I graduated college due to distance and it was for the best. It wasn't a dramatic break-up, we were just in two different places in our lives. I truly wasn't anticipating ever hearing from him again until I did on Halloween 2020, the spookiest.


He slid into my DM's and asked if I thought he'd go to heaven or to hell. Yikes.. not smooth at all. For context, I was a devil for Halloween but seriously, the lamest DM ever and you already know I absolutely roasted him for it later. I remember thinking he was an angel when we dated... you ask me now though and that is definitely no longer what I would say. Keep reading!

*where my ex will report for work after his failed football career*


We ended up going to dinner a week later and I'll admit it was great. It was just so easy with him because I had already cared about him in the past and it seemed like he had only improved in the four plus years we weren't communicating. We started hanging out every weekend and eventually started sleeping with each other again. Things felt right but, after reflecting on it now, I had a lot of anxiety about how he felt about me. When we previously dated, he always sucked at communicating his feelings. But when I point-blank asked him if he saw us dating again/how he felt about us he assured me he did and cares a lot about me. I felt a little more at ease.. but still a small voice was lingering saying, "is this something I can trust?"


If you've been a reader of R&M since the beginning you know your girl has been fucked over before! To be honest, it's challenging for me to trust someone right off the bat because men I have trusted in the past have still made a conscious decision to hurt me. Blame the hopeless romantic in me, but I really strive to not let my past shitty relationship trauma effect future relationships. If you've never lied to me I won't assume you are. I expect that in return from a man, so it's only fair I do the same. I would practice what I preached but there was that underlying emotional anxiety just hanging over me the entire time I was with R.


R was in a career transition and I would go out of my way to help him prep for interviews, presentations, and give him advice about different opportunities. He was between continuing playing football or hanging up the cleats forever. I would listen to him stress, worry, and overall bitch about his situation. At the time, I felt like I was emotionally supporting him as I had already been through my own major career change in my mid-20s. I thought he appreciated my support and advice. Looking back he was just fully taking advantage of me.


After spending an early Valentine's Day weekend together where we went grocery shopping, cooked, and exchanged gifts R left for Florida. Later that night my body had a visceral reaction. I couldn't sleep the entire night. I was extremely anxious and felt so light-headed that I actually fainted. I shot him a text and called him a few times, I was really freaked out I had fainted, which I've never done before. It was very late at night and he didn't answer but I just had this awful feeling that something was off.


I couldn't sleep and was scrolling through Twitter and, as you know, tweets your followers like some times pop up on your timeline. Completely random, I see on on my timeline that R liked the tweet of a girl I kind of knew down in Florida. One of those friend of a friend-type of situations. I remember thinking that's weird but to not look too much into it. I could just ask him how he knows her whenever I talk to him next.


*^^^*

He finally texts me back... texts me back. After I told him that I had fainted and was pretty rattled about it. Loser. The conversation was him lamely apologizing for not calling and just texting. Looking back on this... he really didn't give a shit about me. If I got a call someone I cared about fainted/wasn't feeling okay in any capacity they'd be getting a call. Eventually he calls and later I point blank ask him how he knows the girl I know and he completely lied.


In a weird twist of fate, R had actually matched with this girl on a dating app while he was down in FL, during the time we were spending time together, and had been communicating with this girl the entirety of our re-coupling. Fun fact: he told me he's never been on dating apps. The lie detector says that was a fucking lie.


I'm thankful it was a girl I kind of knew through a mutual friend. Thanks to said mutual friend I was told the lies that R had told this girl about our rekindled relationship. That it was just a physical connection between us and it was nothing serious. Says the clown who told me I was the only person he was talking to, bought me a birthday gift, Valentine's gift, told me he wanted to get back together, and oh... who actively pursued me.


*appropriate emoji choice*


Praise the lord, there was a connection between me and this Florida girl. I'm so thankful I was just mindlessly scrolling through Twitter and saw what I saw. I should have trusted my gut but I'm just thankful I found out in the end. Because that slimy, useless man would never have told me if I didn't stumble upon it myself.


To be honest, if this would have happened to me two years ago it would have absolutely blown up my self-confidence. I would have been an emotional wreck with built up resentment. Now, I'm just thankful I can say that I'm okay. I won't act like I'm not still hurt by it. It happened less than six months ago, it isn't necessarily "fun" to reflect back on the situation.


It's hurtful to remember that someone who has known me for so many years and really knows me as a person still chose to lie and hurt me. That fucking stings... but it's such a fleeting sting now. It doesn't get swollen and fester, getting more achy and painful with each day. It stings in the moment and is replaced with a wave of relief. Thank god this happened and I can fully close that door forever.


In summary, I learned the hard way that exes are exes for a reason. Yes, there may be that one in a million couple that proves my theory wrong. For me, once it's done it'll always stay that way. Close the door, shut that chapter, start your healing, learn the lesson, love yourself and glow tf up. They'll get theirs one way or another, they always do. Or slide into my DMs and I'll give you some free professional advice on how to get some revenge. Thanks for reading!

 

On a personal note, your eloquent, yet very humble, author is happy to report she's in a great new relationship! Obviously, not with the subject of this post, thank god.

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