After a long hiatus, Revel & Motion is BACK with an exclusive interview with a self-confessed serial cheater. Disclaimer: I do know this guy personally and have decided to keep him anonymous for this post. While I absolutely do not condone his choices or actions, I do appreciate him being honest and giving us all some insight into the twisted mind of a pathological liar/scumbag. Thank you for all your IG questions you submitted for this post!
We will call him C, for cheater. C's an attractive guy, standing at 6'2" with an athletic frame, piercing green eyes, and an easy smile. He may even qualify as "dreamy" to some women. It just shows how looks really can be deceiving because this man has cheated multiple times on different women, some he has even lived with. He tells me he's been in three long-term relationships and has been repeatedly unfaithful in 2/3. Looking at him you wouldn't guess that. Scrolling through his social media page you also wouldn't think that due to the overload of couple photos and sweet captions about his previous girlfriends. It's all a facade though and C's answering your questions about his cheating ways.
What is missing in your relationship that you feel the need to cheat?
Cheater: It depends. I've had relationships where the sex has been missing. I've had relationships where the intimacy is missing. It's all just a hole where, no pun intended, needed to be filled.
*live shot of me during most of this interview*
Revel & Motion: If you knew there was something missing then why even get into a relationship?
C: I think sometimes you're into the idea of what the relationship is. The reality isn't the same as what you thought. You end up a little further "in" then you would have liked and start to realize it's really difficult.
What were your motivations?
C: It varies, some the sex life is lacking, some emotional needs aren't being met and I think cheating may help. It's not something I ever set out to do at the start of any relationship. However, a lot of times things come up and rather than deal with them in a healthy way I cheat instead.
Do you want to get married one day?
C: I'm on the fence about that! I think about it often, honestly I'm unsure. I really don't know. The unfaithfulness aside, I always had this idea that I probably would but the longer it goes on maybe that's just not something I want at all.
How do you feel after? Do you feel guilty?
C: Yeah, sometimes there's a lot of guilt and sometimes there isn't. A lot of this is a "me" problem. If the relationship is in a bad state and I'm doing this truly because I'm just unhappy being in it - then I feel less guilty. I know I need therapy about it... sometimes I feel bad sometimes I don't. It just depends I guess.
What made you choose cheating over leaving?
C: It was a comfortability thing for me. It was easier to go and cheat and convince myself to not feel guilty then starting over an entire relationship. The relationships eventually do end because I drag them out and during them just fill the time with cheating.
R: Why do you feel the need to drag them out when you are aware you should just end them?
C: I don't know, that's something I'd like to one day unlock in therapy.
Do you know it’s hurtful?
C: Yes, absolutely! I understand why it's not a great thing to do. That's not lost on me. The thought of being alone is worse than staying in a relationship that sucks and be unfaithful. I'd rather have my cake and eat it too than be alone and deal with problems. Super unhealthy and something I need to figure out.
^
This is C.
Is it premeditated or spontaneous?
C: A little bit of both. Sometimes it's such spur of the moment and other times it's been a gradual thing of getting close with another woman and wanting to see where it goes.
How often did you get away with it/get caught?
C: I've never been caught directly in terms of being confronted with having sex with someone else. There have been some breadcrumbs left behind where I've had to explain my way out of. I think towards the end they may have known, because things were so rocky, but there was never concrete proof. I've never been caught red-handed.
R: What were the breadcrumbs?
C: There's been text messages/phone calls that have been hard to explain away. Nothing that can be definitive, but things that are definitely shady that led to mistrust.
Why not just be single?
C: I'm trying that now! I'm insecure, I'd rather be in a relationship and not alone. In these relationships where I was unfaithful, I didn't want to be single and be forced to confront the things I need to work on. Again, I'm trying that now! I'm not proud or condone any of my actions. This is a fucked up thing I do and need to work on.
Alright well... it's both jarring and refreshing talking to C about his unfaithfulness. Refreshing in the sense that he can be honest about it and provide some insight/answers to some questions we've all had. It's also jarring hearing the thought process into this hurtful, toxic choices he's made.
If you can take anything away from this post I hope that you pick up on the fact that it's a "them issue" when it comes to cheating. If you have been cheated on please realize it's the other party's issues - it has nothing to do with you. Read that previous sentence again and again, sis. In reality, their actions are showing you they don't respect you and that's why they're making a conscious choice to cheat. While I appreciate C's candidness, I still will need a few dirty martinis later to help come to terms that men are (9/10 times) complete trash.
As always, please feel free to let me know your thoughts! Thank you for reading and supporting Revel & Motion.