You see the red flag... and yet you go full force, charging towards it.
Helloooooo there. This week has been a little crazy for me but I’ve made sure to make time to post this v important PSA for you all.
Not too long ago I shared on my Instagram story (IG: @rilieghm) asking people to DM me their red flags when they’re casually dating. Oh boy did I get a ton of responses. I want to quickly clarify what casually dating means to me.
The R+M casual dating definition is: when you’re single and going out on dates, talking to, or sleeping with more than one person. You aren’t exclusive with anyone, you’re just still trying to get to know the person to see if they’re someone you can see yourself getting serious with.
Okay, everyone understand? Awesome.
So, about these DMs I got. I’m going to share some of them and write my thoughts beneath the ones that I personally view as red flags. If the guy is already doing this and you aren’t even serious yet then you know things are going to get much worse, and sketchy, as time goes on and your feelings grow.
Here are some of my followers’ red flags:
You’re the one always making plans (he’s not into you if he does this)
Green texts (LOL, but low-key for real)
Never has had a girlfriend (hello commitment issues, nice to meet you!)
Makes plans and then cancels last minute (SO annoying, lose my number forever)
Only wants to hang out late at night (are you a vampire??)
They talk about themselves, never ask about you (*eyeroll*, legs closing shut forever)
Talk down to wait staff/uber drivers (Grade A d-bag if he does this, so rude)
Always on their phone:
Nothing irks me more than a guy always being on their phone when we’re out on a date. I mean if you’re on your phone to show me a picture from your vacation, or your parents text you, I understand.
However, if you ask me a question and I’m answering and you are texting on your phone (even if you give the halfheartedly “sorry”) that tells me what I’m saying doesn’t really interest you. And I want to be with someone who is interested by me. Like seriously, put your phone on silent and if you are SO addicted to it then go to the bathroom and check it there. If a guy does this on your date make sure to order the most expensive thing on the menu and never return his texts after because he’s obviously more into his phone than getting to know you.
Follows a ton of insta-thots/thirsty on social media:
In a perfect world your significant other would not use social media. You can, but not them, lol. Unfortunately, we don’t live in that perfect world, we live in the social media addiction age where if you don’t have at least two platforms you’re a laaaa-hoooo-seeeeer.
A red flag of mine is a guy who follows a ton of insta-thots. What’s an insta-thot you may ask? This account is all selfies, butt-selfies, selling tummy teas, and basically just hot girls with 100k+ followers. Guaranteed your man NEVER meets her but if he follows more than 10 of these accounts he is low-key obsessed with superficial beauty and may be a little thirsty on social media.
He doesn’t want to really get to know you (other than what you look like sans clothes) so don’t waste your time. Guys, if you’re reading this and you do what is described above, try to only follow a couple of your favorite insta-thots. Trust me, us girls notice what pics you're liking... so keep the thirst contained.
If he agrees with you too much:
You may be thinking I’m a bit of a man-hater at this point. I swear I’m not. I love guys, I just feel like it’s my civic duty to warn girls about all the bad ones out there, ya welcome. I’m sort of your vigilante of dating crime, lol.
Okay, back to your regularly scheduled programming: If a guy you’re casually dating weirdly has everythingggggg in common with you and it’s almost like “too good to be true” well newsflash, it probably is. Your favorite hole in the wall restaurant is a random place in a small town in Italy that you can’t remember the name of? OMG IT’S THIS GUY’S FAV PLACE TOO! He is almost like an actor (I’ll explain more in an upcoming post about more types of guys you can find in any city, check out the recent list below) who is trying so hard to impress you. You don’t want that guy. You want someone you share common interests with but it is a little creepy to have someone agree with everything you say.
Pro tip: ask him his views on a made-up movie. If he gives you a weird look, say you thought it was award-winning and you can’t wait for the sequel. If he agrees with you then there… you have your answer. He’s saying anything to get you to like him. Most likely because you’re out of his league or he’s just trying to do anything to get in your pants. So say ta-ta to the guy that waves this particular red flag.
If he doesn’t want you to meet his friends:
RED FLAG! RED FLAG! THE BIGGEST RED FLAG OF THEM ALL! Okay let’s reverse it. You’ve been going on a couple of dates with a guy you really like. He’s charming, funny, and totally into you. The weekend is coming up and your friend is having an awesome pregame at her house for her birthday. You invite him to go with you. Why do you invite him? BECAUSE YOU LIKE HIM AND YOU WANT YOUR FRIENDS (WHO MATTER TO YOU A LOT) TO LIKE HIM TOO!
So think about it, if he says he’s hanging out with his friends all weekend and doesn’t ever invite you to meet them then you probably aren’t very important to him. A guy I was dating told me his perfect girl got along with his friends really well because those guys will always be in his life. If he’s a former frat bro (see that stellar post below this one) then you know meeting his friends is a HUGE deal for him and he’s only going to let a girl he’s really into meet them. So if the guy you’re seeing doesn’t see you long-term then you’re never going to meet his friends.
Something interesting one of my guy friends told me was he believed girls know all the red flags, we just choose to ignore them. Ugh, I hate to admit it but there’s one guy I casually see who does a couple of the above red flags but he’s just so hot and I like hanging out with him I just turn a blind eye to them. GUILTY OKAY I’M NOT PERFECT!! Anyway, I hope you enjoyed this post and as always please email me some post ideas you want me to write about. I have a couple of dates set-up this week, mainly to have something to write about, so make sure to look for an IG post for new content! Thanks for reading, chat soon.